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Anacondas: The Hunt for the
Blood Orchid

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid Movie Poster

Screen Gems, 2004, Rated PG-13, 1 hr. 33 min.

Is it wrong that I was rooting for the snake?  With this bunch of egotistical whiners as its prey, I don't think I can be faulted for wanting to see them meet their maker.  In this poor sequel to Anaconda, six people working for a powerful New York-based pharmaceutical company hire a boat captain and his assistant to take them to the Blood Orchid, found growing in the jungles of Borneo.  The flower blooms for two weeks every seven years and the team thinks the orchid holds the key to the "pharmaceutical fountain of youth".  The team encounters the Anacondas in the jungle, who have grown to huge sizes thanks to living longer from eating the orchids.  It's mating season and all the male Anacondas are searching for the lone female Anaconda (lucky snake), and when they find her, there will be "one big mating ball".  Yes, they said one big mating ball...

 

  I try to find something redeeming in every movie I watch.  Unfortunately, the best thing about this movie was the hot dog I ate during the previews.

The plot was ridiculous.  A powerful pharmaceutical company that thinks it has found the key to stopping the aging process would swarm Borneo with helicopters and security.  This company sends, by boat, a rag-tag team of people who think the jungle is a Bloomingdale's store the week of Christmas.  As the team tries to make their way to the orchids all the trouble and hindrances they encounter are so typical that there is no suspense built.  There is also no character development and what little personality the actors show makes you wish they would just get gobbled up faster.

The lines in the movie that these "actors" were forced to say were trite and tried too hard for a pop culture flare.  At one point when someone is complaining about the jungle another person says, "I'm voting you off this island," in reference to Survivor: Borneo.

The acting of Johnny Messner as boat captain Bill Johnson can only be compared to the acting of a cardboard cutout.  His character is supposed to be a tough, stoic, macho guy, but a little expressiveness, both physically and vocally, would have helped make him less of a one-dimensional character.  At one point in the movie I think he tried to smile, but I wasn't quite sure.  I asked my friend if she saw it too, but she said she thought he was just trying to fart.  All his lines were spoken in the same monotone delivery.  My favorite was when he said of his boat, "She may be ugly, but she puts out." How nice.

 

If the snake killed them all here it would have saved time
If the snake killed them all here it would have saved time 

Bill (Messner) and Sam (Strickland) playing in the mud
Bill (Messner) and Sam (Strickland) playing in the mud

"Eye see you," says the Anaconda
 "Eye see you," says the Anaconda

Another missed opportunity for the Anaconda
Another missed opportunity for the Anaconda

Gordon (Chestnut), Gail (Richardson), and Ben (Gonzalez) survive an attack ... damn!
Gordon (Chestnut), Gail (Richardson), and Ben (Gonzalez) survive an attack ... damn!

That's better than poor Kadee Strickland, who played Sam Rogers, a researcher.  She is supposed to have a southern accent, but it comes and goes - really evident in one scene, not there at all in another.  Strickland was raised in Georgia, so she must have some sort of an accent, I just don't know what happened to it.  Perhaps she went to the Kevin Costner School of Accents (if you don't understand this reference watch 1991's Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves).

Salli Richardson plays Gail Stern, a scientist and one of the head honchos of the pharmaceutical company.  Her acting in this movie is so bad people were laughing out loud when she delivered her lines.  It's not entirely her fault, as her character is wholly unredeemable.  I was rooting for the Anaconda to get her first.

I'm not sure if they had a casting director or if they just hired the first eight people who walked in the door.  They must have also saved money on the special effects, as I've seen better computer-generated snakes in video games.

Truly, the best thing about this movie is Johnson's little pet  monkey Kong (yes, even the monkey's name is not original).  He's a cutie who puts his little hands over his month and on top of his head when he's scared.  With the monkey being the best part of this movie, I'd suggest you skip it.


Do you think we got this movie totally wrong? Agree with us? Or just want everyone to know your thoughts? Then start a discussion of this movie in our forums!

QUICK FACTS

Studio

Screen Gems

Genre

Horror/Action

Rating

PG-13

Length

93 Minutes

Color

Yes

Sound

Yes

 

CAST

Actor / Actress

Character

Morris Chestnut

Gordon Mitchell

Johnny Messner

Bill Johnson

Kadee Strickland

Sam Rogers

Matthew Marsden 

Dr. Jack Byron

Nicholas Gonzalez

Dr. Ben Douglas

Eugene Byrd

Cole Burris

Karl Yune

Tran 

Salli Richardson

Gail Stern

Andy Anderson

John Livingson

 

CREW

Dwight H. Little

Director

Michael Miner

Writer

Mark Wareham

Cinematographer

Brian Edmonds

Art Direction

Jacobus Rose

Executive Producer

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/anacondas/

Reviewed by: Hauntmistress 9/14/2004

 
   

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