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Jokes for Every Age

What would Halloween be without laughter? Well, it wouldn't be Halloween that's for sure. Below you'll find some of the best (or worst depending on your point of view) Halloween jokes we've collected. If you know of a joke that we don't have here contact The Scribe and we'll post it and give you credit.

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A boy walks into a Halloween party with a sheet on his head. "Are you a ghost?", asked his friend. "No, I'm an unmade bed!" Another boy comes in with a sheet on his head. "Oh, you must be an unmade bed." "No, I'm an undercover agent!"

Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party? Because he just came to pick up his sister!

Seven Must read Halloween Books

  1. The Omen by B. Warned
  2. Chased by a Werewolf by Claude Bottom
  3. The Bad Tempered Werewolf by Claudia Armoff
  4. The Vampire's Victim by E. Drew Blood
  5. Never make a Witch Angry by Sheila Tack
  6. Ghost Stories by I. M. Scared
  7. Going on a Witch Hunt by Count Miout

Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires


Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from undead


Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap


Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs


Three words: Daylight Savings Time


Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"


After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin


After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira


No bat is safe with Ozzy Osbourne around


With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits


No warm blood for miles around D.C.


Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots


No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body


Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies"


Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey

And the number one complaint of modern day vampires....


Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards

The door bell ring and a man answers it. There stands a plain but well dressed kid, saying, "Trick or Treat!" The man asks the kid what he is dressed up as. The kid says, "I'm an IRS agent." The kid then takes 28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say thank you.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

A Cool Ghoul Limerick

A ghoul stood on the moonlit bank
his bones were all aquiver...
He gave a cough
his leg fell off
and floated down the river!

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ...faster... faster... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ...
clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man....

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door, bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything ..... but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the coffin.

The coffin stops!


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